i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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