I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
