He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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