I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
