Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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