During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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