so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
