i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
