Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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