We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i love accidental penises.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
