people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
