I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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