So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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