I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
