yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
