It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
