i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't put those talents on a resume
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
