Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
