Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
