I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
