2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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