i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's the barista slut.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
