No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
