According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
