he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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