3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
