I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
