I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
