thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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