Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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