just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize