We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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