What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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