I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
