come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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