Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
