girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
