i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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