Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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