just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
