I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
