so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
