ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
