She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
