You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize