Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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