Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
