Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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