In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
