Sponge bath it is.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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