I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
