Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize