Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
