I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
