He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
