my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
