and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
