My hand turned me down
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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