im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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