It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
