I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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