oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
