the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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