he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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