Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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