umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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