i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
