just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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