Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i came on her dog
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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