I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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