i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize