Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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