Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
