I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's always time for handjobs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
