It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
