my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
