he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
