There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
