He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
