He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
