Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
