So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
