i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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