my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
