i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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