There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
