the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
