You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
