She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
