I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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