she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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