This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
