Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
