Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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