i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
