sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
